READ WITH CAUTION: David Carroll on April 1st - WRCBtv.com | Chattanooga News, Weather & Sports

THINKING OUT LOUD

READ WITH CAUTION: David Carroll on April 1st

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We have to be serious 364 days a year.  In fact, this is Leap Year, so make it 365.  But April Fools Day is upon us, so let’s have some fun:

The best part of my day is calling the computer repair customer service line, and the rep says, “Well, this may take a while. Our computers are running slow today.”

I keep getting mail from my former internet provider, enticing me with discounts and sweet deals to get me back.  If they had paid this much attention to me when I was their customer, I wouldn’t have left them in the first place.

Here are some of my favorite recent typos, or as we call them now, AutoCorrect bloopers.  Or maybe they’re really just typos.  Anyway, here goes:

“If those politicians raise our taxes again, we should go to the poles to vote them out!”

“I can’t believe they didn’t close schools today. They need to fire the Super Attendant!”

Speaking of school leaders, one person wrote, “I hope they choose the right one this time.  The steaks are really high.”

And, “I can’t believe how those football players act. They’re not good row models.”

I’m starting a list of “Things I’m Good At.”  For example, I can always find the shopping cart with the bad wheel.  The one that feels like you’re pushing a Ford F-150.  Come to think of it, If they held an Olympics for finding the shopping cart with the most wobbly wheels, I’d win the Gold Medal.

Here’s another: I almost knock something over, and in my effort to keep from knocking it over, I knock 3 more things over. Yes, I do this quite well.

You know you’re getting old when kids think “Mr. Bojangles” is the guy who runs those chicken restaurants.

True story: Some folks in California found a crumpled bag of baseball cards in a house, valued at $1 million. At our house we moved a recliner, and found 3 Skittles, a pencil, and some Cheerios. Plus a never-returned DVD that probably led to Blockbuster’s demise.

I met someone who said, “I only like chocolate after pizza or pasta.” As for me, I only like chocolate on days that end with “Y.”

There’s nothing like being in the dentist’s chair. They’re poking around in your mouth, and then “OUCH!” you jump and scream. They always ask: “Did that hurt?”

I met some nice folks at the restaurant, a little older than me. The man wanted a pic of his wife and me. I handed him my phone, and showed him how to take the pic. I said, I’ll print it and send it to you. He said, “Let me wait for this thing to warm up.” I told him it didn’t need to warm up. Sure enough, it didn’t work the first time. He handed it back to me and said, “See, I told you it needed to warm up.”

At the store, I met another guy.  He looked me up and down, and said, “You sure look familiar.  Where have I seen you?” I said, “I do the news on TV.”  “Oh,” he replied.  “That’s right.  I just can’t think of your name.” I said, “It’s David Carroll.”  He paused for a second, and said, “No…that’s not it…”

I enjoyed reading to 2nd graders at North Sand Mountain recently. When I told them I attended school there long ago, one girl sighed loudly, rolled her eyes, and said, “I can only imagine what your village was like.”

A few weeks ago, in the cold of winter, I asked my wife if she would get up early the next day, and cook me a hot breakfast.  She said there would be a 2 hour delay.

I dreamed I was on a romantic vacation with Martha Stewart and my dog. That is so ridiculous. I don’t even own a dog.

My wife and I are getting ready for the next presidential debate.  It’s sure to be another night of finger-pointing, shouting, and insults.  Then we’ll turn on the TV and watch the candidates.

Happy April Fool’s Day, everybody! If anything you’ve read here has made you smile, it has been a good day.

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